I am new to this community, i have come here looking for fulfilling rest, new relationships, the healing power of many, and potentially a new purpose, to quell the chronic darkness which has grievously vexed my spirit over the past year. I have no friends i actively talk with and i was pulled out of highschool ever since the death shots were mandated, i have been isolated with way too much free time and i question my sanity from the repetitiveness of my condition. I was programmed to be avoidant of intimacy, to fear and cringe at expression, yet my heart disagrees with this. I know if i continue to hide like that, i will surely experience the despair of being in the shadow of death again. Most of the free time that i otherwise would have dedicated to study has been consumed by this darkness, it's all my fault and i feel that i have no time left. I feel hopelessly degenerate, out of place, unprepared to transition to a pre flood world. I've needed to arm myself with scriptures against racketeering fraudsters for a long time, and everything that threatens me seems to be coalescing near the end of this December, and during this winter. I have struggled alone to stay awake and free myself from a bed of thorns entangled around me, but they have leeched the brute strength i once displayed, i have waited for it to come back and i haven't perceived it coming back.