I don't even have the energy to write this and i cant even describe the amount of pain and suffering I feel. This has been on going all my life but has gotten worse in theses times even to the point a demon trying to kill me, I go to Church or any Church and i feel hate towards me, people ingore me, and if they do come to talk to me it feels like "because what they know what i go through or the jist of it im weak in Jesus. There is scripture in psalms about being rejected and i dont have it off hand, im also being attacked in doubting if im really saved just like John the Baptist asked if Jesus was really the Christ after being imprision. Jesus has shown me many times im saved yet doubting takes hold of me still and its demonic attacks i know that. the back story is Id like a Lovely wife but i have been given the opposite, no wife with pain and suffering. So far from what I know Jesus has shown me is in order to destroy me the devil had to and continues to keep me single, what about her? I keep haveing theses dreams where the woman I could be with is killed off, nearly killed, vary sick, or well and than evil storms in and nearly kills her and i have to rush her somewhere to be healed as she is limp in my arms like a corpse but barly even alive.

Dream 1

The girl in this dream was the same girl i liked that lived next door to me when i was young. In this dream im the old version of my self but she is still the younger version. From what i remember about the dream we where playing like we used to and than this black and white fog like darkness came in and took her. It resides but i can still see it in the distance. So i run to this darkness and enter it to find her. Inside the darkness is giant dead trees and twisted giant roots with the fall theme but much darker, there might have been giant mushrooms as well but i can't remember, I couldn't find her and save her. than the scene switches to a group of people at a dinner table with me being extremely depressed like I always am. we all leave. *the dinner table scene I can barly remember so im not able to give detail on how to explain it.* I than the scene switches to me makeing my way to a dark tower to confront the evil thing at the top of the castle, than a view of the older version of the woman that vanished in the darkness, now she is my age and she realizes im makeing my way to this dark tower and screams out no! and is in a panic to make her way there to stop me since she knows what ever im going to face will out power me. Iv been at this castle before but now the obstacles are different and even more deadly. I managed to get tot the top and start fighting this evil thing. we start to blast energy beams out of our hands at one another, I am only able to blast small energy balls out while the evil thing is only toying with me and holding back. than it unleashes a energy beam and i got taken out by it. i don't think I died but I was barly alive from what i can remember. I than woke up vary vary vary depressed and can only think about that woman grown up and how I love her, so I went back to sleep.

second dream right after the first one.

this one starts by me escaping a school for some reason? I think I got setup or im escapeing a evil school. its dark and rainy and i ran on foot to get home but i wad with two other men. than the cops figured out where we where and surrounded us, but I pulled out my phone and called someone to take the cops attenuation off us. and it worked so we kept makeing our way to my house. than we got stoped at a spot in the road *in real life this is a spot people tend to crash* at this point we where dressed in outlaw western outfits, i was leader. a girl cop followed us but since the cops where walled off she didn't know who we where. also the girl cop is now a cowboy western cop. she asked us questions being friendly and i don't remember what she asked. i remember looking down on the road and it was a dirt road all wet with broken rusted train tracks. than this woman instantly fell extremely sick, so sick she could be mistaken for being dead. shes barely alive, and I remember we needed to get to my house and that I love her so much. the two men carrying her as we made our way to my house I said *we need to get back before 8:00pm to 8:30 pm. if we dont than darkness will fall and the wolves will come out. im not sure if we make it in time since i remember being hunkered down in a cabin and telling them not to make a sound since the wolves see and sense by sound. we are nearly at my house now and we are walking down a hallway with doors leading to the other side. i old this womans hand deeply depressed and sad while only feeling deep Love for her. i try to start carrying her but the two men won't let me. i get to the point where i think they have betrayed me and than i realized there is a gang of men on the other side of the door and they needed to go first for everything to be ok for some reason. scene ends there and a new scene starts with a old western town and the doctor outside with a group of people and me waiting for this woman to get dressed since the doctor says shes all better now. she than appears out of the right side of view of me and i turn to see her. she is beautiful and she is dressed in town folk outfit. i cant remember what she had on, but i seem to think it was black with white. we than set off for an adventure and end of dream. i wake up and i think back the first dream and say ok that dream has me really depressed, but this second dream is so far beyond depressing me! since shes not here who ever I was suppose to be with.