I took an Uber 2am (can’t drive now)in morning to the last reformation in NC for deliverence cause I didn’t know what else to do. Everyone prayed for me and torben did too. It’s so simple for so many and no matter how hard I’ve tried I get no where. Torbeb was shown that I had been rejected over and over and didn’t believe in Gods love or being accepted. I got no deliverence. When I try to work on things in my mind, I’m telling u it’s near impossible to get anywhere. I have tried to overcome and to changevvvc. Cant do it alone it’s even more affliction on top. Any comforts have been taken away. I slept some last night first time in 9 days cause of my brAin. The fear and anxiety is so out of control. It was bad all my life and after the first drug reaction but here it’s at constant peak panic fear. My faith and confidence always been so hard cause of this stuff for 35 yrs. I can’t build that up after so long and severe this is by myself. I’ve been tryin to do that before this happened

2 Timothy 1:7 King James Version (KJV) 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Please use the sword of the spirit to slay the devil attacks upon your life, this will definately build your faith:

Psalm 91 King James Version (KJV) 91 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

It is so like uncomfortable and takes like extra concentration to try to faith Jesus and visualize him and wait know how he talks. It’s hard cause my body is so stressed and can’t relax I see other Christians where that part is so simple cause they are not completely brain scrambled in every way. I’ve tried so many times. I never had confidence in my own mind functioning always confused always racing analyzing or something.

Thank you so much. I know the pain and sufferings you’re going through because I’ve experiencing them myself. Through my past history it allows me to get a better understanding the struggles you face everyday. There are many others like ourselves you’re not going through this alone. I pray that one day you’ll find the peace and live of God within your heart. Just knowChrist is there right beside you holding you up during the tough times. He will never leave us to face them alone but will be by our side to lift us up. Call upon him. I know at times it feels so fruitless and that He’s not listening. But He is. Believe me I know. I’m 72 years old and gone through so many life experiences looking back I can see God has been throughout my journey. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rosaria I see the pain you have dealt with and I am sorry

Rosaria I see the pain you have dealt with and I am sorry

Shawn you need to find a naturopathic doctor to help cleanse you from all the poisons and toxins in your system. These toxins create havoc on your body and can cause many side effects such as severe depression anxiety and suicidal thoughts. If you can’t afford one since these doctors aren’t covered by our insurance try to find doctors on the Internet who can help. Personally Dr Axe and Dr Berg have helped me. I also was given Klonopen along with the fentynal patch. I went though nerve blocks you name it the doctors did it all to me. I felt like a genie pig at times. Dirctirs was just adavances into the knowledge of referral if pain and how to treat chronic pain. On top of all my medications they than added cymbalta which gave me a false diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease when I went to see a neurologist after getting side effects from it. This medication on top of all that I was taking wrecked havoc on my whole body. I prayed to God for three years unceasingly to spare me from this anguish. I was in so much despair and my body just couldn’t deal will all the toxins that were consuming me. When I resigned to the fact that I was going to have to endure this for the rest of my life God unexpectedly answered my prayers. The neurologist stupidly asked one day on my office visit who diagnosed having Parkinson’s. When I told him that it was him he looked at me dumbfounded with his mouth wide open and said well I can’t find any signs of it and took me off of all my medications. I walked out of that office and never looked back. I immediately thanked the Heavenly Father for His favour upon my life and answering my prayer. I’ve been through hell and back all my life always struggling never finding total peace. After my accident at work my whole body was consumed with searing pain and it felt like all the nerve endings were on fire just like you. It was all consuming and havoc wrecked throughout my body trying to cope dealing with all the side effects from my medications and top of it all off I than had to deal the side effects from a year and a half of chemotherapy. It left me with the pains of neuropathy under my feet and unbearable pain when I walked Between the chronic pain and RSD I already had now I had to bear with even more. All the drugs the doctors prescribed throughout my life left me so spaced out that sometimes my daughter feared I’d overdose by mistake. It took a toll on me as well as well as my whole family. You can say I’ve know pain and suffering from the moment of my birth. She was RH- and slowly poisoning me in her womb throughout her pregnancy and only by the grace of God did she deliver me in a New York hospital who was one of the first to have an incubator in all of the United States. That alone was a miracle in itself for it spared my life. I spent two months in the hospital and final strong enough to come home. God’s hand works silently throughout our lives in little ways. These moments are there but we’re not aware of them at the time. All we need to do is just look back and you’ll find God has always been there guiding things and watching over us our entire life. I’ve gone through much hardships I guess everyone has in their own way including yourself. All of us have to bear our own individual cross which God measures and weighs perfectly for each one of us. When that cross is too heavy Christ lifts us up and takes weight of that cross upon himself like the footprints on the sand poem. Where you see four footprints the turn into two on the sand as Christ bears us up into His arms and carries us through it taking the weight into himself. This poem uplifts your spirit fir you know that Christ is always watching us and there fir us when we need him the most. I read many of the responses and they are all sound advice. Take them all into consideration. Pray upon them. Seek others to help you. Only those of us who experience the same kinds of pain you bear can know truly how you feel and the turmoil you have to fight within. I’m grateful that you have a living and supporting family and you don’t live alone. Please before you try to do anything rash think if all those who are praying for you and supporting your journey throughout this most difficult times. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Shawn. You can try listening to these as they are very calming. When I have too much on my mind or have anxiety, I put my headphones on and fall asleep listening to this very fast.

https://youtu.be/ovgqsFEu9QE

Hi Shawn, I am praying for you. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have someone close at hand for human contact fellowship? Shawn, this might just sound like words to you, but take them to heart - Jesus is closest when he feels furthest away - these words are true. I was suicidal when I was younger, I know this to be true. He is in that place with you right now, don't doubt it. You should sing to Him - it calms the soul and connects your spirit to him and will help with the anxiety and panic. We love you, hang in there.

When I think of the Lord because of the stress of trying to control my mind so cleanly and controlled with Holy God, I get intrusive thoughts toward God instead that are really evil. I can’t be confident to use my own brain.

Like I can repent and still feel not ok. Even when I tell myself God forgive u it won’t let me be done with things. The mind just dont work right.

I appreciate all the hope and strength u guys are tryin to give. Real Christians do that and love. And I want to be with love (God) forever in paradise. Here on earth even when seeking God for so long to not do good. To fight to change the carnal mind and not get very far. Cause the spirit man is relaxed and feels good things. With this it is feeling stress always even when there isn’t stress.

Good to get your update. Lou and Elizabeth Marie's suggestion to link up with an experienced Christian drug addition counselor is excellent advice. You're in a faith crises I think. Remember, your faith isn't based on how you feel. You can chose to thank God and trust Him as an act of your will regardless of your feelings. If you do that now just once it will gradually get easier as you make it a habit.

Don't give up. If you get tripped up remember God loves you. He loved the martyrs who were often tortured to death for him. God gives us the strength we need when we need it.

You should become active with the little strength you have and be as productive as your strength permits. Make yourself a blessing to everyone around you because in blessing others we tend to forget ourselves. If you have any open doors to temptation - intemperance, irregularity, impatience, lust etc, pray for victory and stand on the promises. If God is for us who can be against us.

That is so much I’ve written but it is the best I could describe everything. I carry those burdens around alone. When I try to give them to Jesus my brain or body will not feel safe and secure. No matter what I do. Because my brain always reminds me how fragile and what’s goin on with me because of fight/flight always being turned on. Like it says on the inside of me I’m in danger always. I dunno how to live with all this. I was dreaming about God using me and giving me testimony for so many years. And in the endtimes. Staying alive with hope. There is still years and I can’t do this anymore for years in acute symptoms again.

All these past years I learned we were in endtimes and I wanted to get ready cause I found out that the bride gets raptured and that Christianity is more then what I was taught. Even with a full willingness of getting sin out of my life (porn cussing unforgiveness ) I still haven’t been able to connect with Jesus like so many others. I would say I’m born again because I want Jesus and to do what he says. But I’ve never gotten healed, deliverance or recieved the freedom promised. I’ve had soooo many pray for me and fight for me and nothing happens. When people pray for me my mind is so stressed out no matter what. A brain and chemistry turned completely upside down. But everything has been so much trauma and stress and my body with burnout from birth is the bodies physical functioning to handle stress and burnout is the weakest phase for adrenals to handle stress. These are things that people don’t understand. All this stuff combined I have had to deal with on my own inside and combined never was able to really connect to Jesus or people. It’s so hard to read, concentrate, and my mind/emotion control is at it’s worse. Every little thing is a absolute huge stress. Like a little kid that can’t needs his mom or dad to save him cause it’s just overwhelming. The metal poisoning/burnout doesn’t kill u like immediately or whatever. Neither do the drug brain damage. But it tortures u nonstop. A woman who had heavy metal poisoning said u could go to counseling all ur life and make little progress. That’s what it has felt like with faith no matter how hard I try. How hard I fight. I’ve needed a miracle from Jesus

Thank u guys for your help and love. I’m the most scared of losing my soul. From taking myself out. How much torture can a human being just bear constantly without dying and no relief? I just can’t stand the torture prison I’m in. I literally need a miracle now. And I’ve fought for years to build the relationship and faith with Jesus and just haven’t been able to through faith. Inside I just have never been strong and in control enough. Able to relax enough for faith I guess. I’m not smart enough to explain it. This is a very uncommon situation. Everyday now the minutes are like eternities counting down feeling nothing but misery. Adrenal Burnout Copper Poisoning born with(95% people never heard of and have no idea how it ruins lives and ability to function mentally/emotionally. )- I was never able to connect with God in a good way cause of all the turmoil inside. Not understanding even what was goin on and so different about me. Things did not work like other people. So full of pain and stress and anxiety from it and circumstances in life I wasn’t smart enough. I just kept praying and desired God. Always feared him but the illness induced anxiety/ocd I was more religious but still sincere. 20 yrs old/ brain damage from klonopin. Took it from dr for anxiety it never worked but instead caused brain damage. Called a Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome. Way worse on torture and crisis than original problem(I could at least exercise and feel good things before)Torturous effects neuro, muscle, mental and just everything. Head to toe. Every muscle clinched in tight as could be and hurt. Every nerve ending stung and my scalp on fire. 100’s of 24/7 all night no sleep. Adrenal surges non stop dizziness and so much more. Nothing could be done to fix it. Financially could never work. Not good support at all emotionally or spiritually. 15 years later(35 yrs old) somehow survived this long and still have most side effects from the klonopin. No life just survival living with grandma or mom. Years ago started taking methadone and it would help me sleep and numb me not to be so focused on symptoms. Things were not in crisis mode like now. I was miserable but somehow things weakened to where I could get through day better. 4-5 years ago started taking Vyvanse and Adderall. Would give me euphoria feeling and energy to talk to people. Hard not to want that after so many years of total misery. Some point it started not working and then gave me bad effects. I would stay off in hopes it would work again. Every now and then it would to a degree. When I would take it I would get bad effects like now but not near as severe. It would take a month or two and I would stupidly try it again. This last time I took Vyvanse and then Adderall closer together and the effects are just too severe and not going away. The crippling drug induced anxiety has taken any calm or peace I had to relax and think about other things. And I’m used to physical side effects through my body. But now added are more neuro burning symptoms running through my body under my skin. Like a heating pad moving around under my skin everywhere. It’s killed my appetite like amphetamines do.

I second Chad's advice.

https://www.reddit.com/r/kratom/comments/ftnh1b/kratom_got_me_off_of_both_opiates_and_amphetamines/ Here is some info. People have used kratom to help them come off of these hard drugs. I would pray and seek God before you start this and do a bit of research on this. This is the best thing I can think of right now just to help you get through the worst of it. People have literally attributed this coffee plant relative to saving them.

Shawn, you say; "I don’t know how I am going to keep doing this." One pattern I've seen of people who overcome is that when they are at their lowest and they see that they can't possibly do it on their own they turn over their wills to God, like Christ, and say "Not my will, but yours be done, come what may, let me glorify your name." And then they praise God even in the fiery furnace. Resolve to trust the Lord and talk faith to your own soul. Whether you feel like it or not talking faith will nurture your own soul and bless others. We'll all keep you in prayer. Pray for us as well and resolve to be a blessing to others because we are healed in the act of reaching out as the Lord empowers us to be a blessing to others.