I wanted to be his people soo bad and I still do. I read Revation 21 and it crushes me cause I imagine how beautiful. I don’t want to be unclean. I wanted to be written in lambs book of life so bad. To be righteous cleansed from all these intrusive terrible feelings of shame guilt condemned even as a little kid I had. I never wanted new age. I wanted Him and whatever the truth was. For him to lead me. For him to be my God for me to be his kid and be made different. I wanted to be ready most serious trying heeding the warnings 5 yrs ago . He loves you guys and there’s nothing better. Nothing u would say in your experience that Gid is mean or cruel. If I were you I would say the same thing. 99% of people that go to church and feel good everyday with their health would say same thing God loves them so much. You have ultimate confidence. Those God gives you dreams confirning u are His. You have so much excitement and to look forward to. In this life and eternity. I dreamed of that so much. Recognizing nothing is more important. That if you can have Jesus and eternal life that it is worth more than trillions of dollars. I seen this so clearly. He created me different and chose me for the worst a person could imagine. To be shown while alive before the wrath of endtimes that I was created a vessel of wrath. That I didn’t get to choose. If you get to be chosen as one of His you are more blessed than Bezos and his gazillions of $. Everything is His, for Him, purpose plans and glory. All like a movie or hologram being played out. Even Satan and his alien demons are His and he even told many that of the prophets Ive listened to. The aliens have so much technology they could take us over at anytime. But they don’t cause they are controlled until the exact time God wants them to come. All things happened as God appointed and willed for his purpose and plan. We are condemned as sinners when we were created to sin and cannot stop ALL unless God empowers us delivering us from demons and giving us health with a sound mind. Giving us his spirit. Some do better in sin than others with less demons, curses, health etc. but u cannot will yourself Holy from sin especially on the inside. And you cannot will that to get it from God. I wanted it more than anyone so I could be righteous and have Jesus. It must be GRANTED. You must elected chosen. Rev 21 says no unclean thing can enter. Those that are beheaded for Jesus at tribulation were chosen for that and it must be granted. Watch Ken Peters testimony. And others I met in life God showed them in dreams them suffering and dying for Jesus having missed the rapture. In Revelation it says it is destiny for those that are to be taken captive or killed by sword. I would give anything to get to be one that is granted to suffer and die for Jesus. To be granted mercy. It must be granted to become a clean thing in Revelation 21. God does not write these words of exclusivity for no reason. Philippians 1:29 For it has been GRANTED to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, 2 Timothy 2:25 in the hope that God may GRANT them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth. Hebrew 12:2 2 looking to Jesus, the FOUNDER and FINISHER of our faith, Romans 9 in order that God’s plan of election might stand, 12not by works but by HIM Romans 9:16 16So then, it does not depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God Matthew 11:27 No one knows the Father except those Jesus CHOOSES to reveal Him to.